Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize