im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize