worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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