im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize