We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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