matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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