One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize