They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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