i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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