my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
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She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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