I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
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I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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