I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
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I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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