You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize