Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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