Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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