I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize