So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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