Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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