I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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