either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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