When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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