We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize