No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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