you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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