everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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