3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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