Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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