You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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