you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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