I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Go christen that room with your naked body.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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