Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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