Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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