We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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