Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize