ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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