If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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