I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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