Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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