i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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