i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize