If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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