You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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