hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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