Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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