Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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