we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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