even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize