there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize