do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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