when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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